Thursday, November 13, 2014

2. I got up and went to the pastor's. I looked so badly that the children ran after me

I got up and went to the pastor's. I looked so badly that the children ran after me as they follow a courtesan and the people stared at me when I approached the parsonage. And when I arrived at the parsonage i did not knock but entered the house directly, [entering directly is his style] through the door into the drawing room. The pastor and his wife were frightened. He had just prayed for me in the church and here I come into his room like one of the dead.

I began by saying that God had sent me back into the world to tell men to be converted and that I soon would die. The pastor thought that I was out of my mind and handed me a world[ly] book which was to drive these ideas out of my head. This so hurt me that I only cried out and whined the more, saying that men did not comprehend what was for their own good, as I had been ordered to tell them.

When a man in his first birth wants to pray all sorts of thoughts enter him. I know, for I began the Lord's Prayer three or four times and could not bring it to God without other thoughts popping into my head. And now God has so made me that if I would think of the world God draws me away to the other side so that I cannot pull away from Him. As previously I could not come to God so now I cannot depart from Him.

As far as my sickness is concerned, it happened to me so that I might show you where I got whereof I write and teach. My doctrines are not from man or through man; God Himself has taught me; I am nothing else than a Christian

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